Saturday, April 25, 2009

Can't keep quiet any longer....

OK I tried, I really tried, I wanted to go non-political ala sietske's blog which is such a delightful non-political blog to visit, but then I realised that
a) I have no imagination and
b) you can take the Lebanese out of the politics but you can't take the politics out of the Lebanese
So I guess it's back to the No. 1 form of Lebanese entertainment: the Politics.

Right now I'm hating on everybody, the situation is dire, it looks like the Iranians are going to win the elections unless the Saudis buy enough votes to swing it their way.

As for the individual players here is a mini description of all the key players according to me (and as always supported by no evidence whatsoever). I will begin with the person I hate the most, but the rest are in no particular order.

1. Hassan Nasrallah: Persian Slave, loyalties are first and foremost to Iran. Cannot separate religion from politics therefore cannot refuse any orders from his Wali. Hence Lebanon's needs will always come secondary to Iran's where he is concerned.

2. Walid Jumblat: the ultimate flip flopper. Doesn't believe in the words "through thick and thin" and hence you can depend on him to desert you in "the thin". Kudos to him for being the most entertaining of the lot though.

3. GeaGea: unfortunately for the "Reborn" his quest for Sainthood has been sidelined by his history as a bloody killer and warlord, and no, he never finished his medical degree, so he's not a doctor of medicine.

4. Saad Harriri: his father wasn't perfect but he was a man who was respected and appreciated by those who supported him. Saad has not been able to fill those shoes. His main problem is that he forgot that the main reason we liked his father was that he had no blood on his hands, and no direct involvement in any of the shit from the civil war. Saad learned the "we're not a militia/war kind of people" lesson very quickly last May when the Iranians gave orders to attack Beirut and their slaves took it over in a single day leaving behind a few dead women and children in the course of the events. Also personal grooming advice: please shave off the Goatee we know you're backed by the Saudis but you don't have to constantly remind us of this, and lay off the hair gel it looks gross.

5. Nabih Berri: another warlord with militia that has never had an honest person in it. If you want to be corrupt/steal/a goon then the easiest way to do so is to join Amal. Musa elSader would turn over in his grave (yes folks you can't live in denial for ever). Stole most of the money going to the South and then complained that the South doesn't get enough money.

6. The Gemayel Family: relics of a bygone era

7. Aoun: Mr. Orangina. the man really should have never been let out of the asylum in the first place. A flip flopper on par with Jumblat only much less entertaining. Made a pact with the Iranians to get to presidency but it backfired dismally. Currently making sure that every member of his family gets some post somewhere so he can officially start a new political dynasty.

That's enough hate for now.


Anonymous said...

This is hilarious! If only the situation weren't so sad...

Alphast said...

Well said and well summarized... Indeed, too sad and too true.

Marillionlb said...

You forgot, the valium replacement Karame, The brown teeth spitting Arslan...etc,

Very funny post in a sad way !